I finally got it!!!!

So I have been on the wait list for taking charge of your fertility for months now. (there was a long line...I was 17 down when I started) and now I have my turn. I get to see if it's something I want to buy and if it will help any. I know nothing is likely to happen with all this stress in my life right now, and things keep piling up, But that's life. You can't pick and choose what is thrown at you. I am really trying to go with the flow and not get too stressed out. Sure my home is a mess, I am running like a chicken with my head cut off some days, but you do crazy things for love. I love my family, so the crazy running is worth while. Yes it makes me tired and something I wonder if I'm cracking line a big nut, BUT I wouldn't change it for the world.

Andrew is growing faster everyday. Soon it will be his 2nd birthday, he'll be potty trained, sleeping in a big boy bed. It is kinda sad how fast it has gone by.

I wonder sometimes if we will have another one. We have been trying for almost a year, since we lost peanut, and nothing... everywhere I have read says it can take up to a year to conceive a child, but I know it can take longer...It is just funny how fast Andrew was conceived, and we didn't even try. I am very happy and blessed with my Andrew, I just feel like he would love to have a companion. Let's face it I am not a good hot wheels' player. I don't think like a child, and I know he loves being around other kids. We'll see if this book can tell me something that I am missing.  

Waiting for a baby is like chocolate....

Waiting for a baby is like chocolate....

This month this is true. I was a bit sad when aunt flow showed her face a few days ago, but I was also happy that I was not. I am doing good on dropping some unwanted pounds and if I were to be pregnant I would have to stop working hard at loosing weight until after the baby came. I am very happy with they way my weight loss is going at this moment, its slow, (BUT everyone says the slower you take it off the batter chance it will stay off). I have been sitting on an edge and wondering if I should wait or keep trying. I am just unsure on where to go from here...I want to have another child and hope that we will be blessed with one someday sooner rather then later.  I guess I will just wait and keep working out and eating right and of I do end up pregnant then great, and I can keep working after.

365 days ago I lost my sweet little pea...

This day last year I lost a baby I never got the chance to meet. It was vary sad and made me want to start trying for a second child. Since I had Andrew it didn't end my world, because he still needed his mommy. I thur myself in to planning his first birthday and Kevin and i planned on starting in 2011. (January) Then in April Kevin said lets start in the fall of 2010. Long story short we started in July because I thought that I might be again, but no. In November we had to stop trying again due to several issues that would make having another baby hard at that time. So we pushed it back to fall 2011. This past week has been crazy because we had Treyce and Hailey. Theresa suggested we think about taking the kids and I kinda want too because I worry about their well being, but Kevin doesn't. It would just make everything just crazy!!!! And right now we don't even know if they will let us take them. Time will only tell.

December is not the month....

So I thought that December is not the month again. I know that we are back and forth about trying, but since we are not using birth control, we know that we could end up pregnant even if its not the time that we want. But that B!tch looks like she is showing up after all, and no wonder with all the stress of the holidays and grandma being in the hospital. I am a bit sad because I was hoping that this might be the time and it would be a little Christmas gift, but no dice. The good thing is it will give me time to work hard at weight loss (since loosing weight is not good during pregnancy, and also maybe loosing will help us conceive)

Kevin said that for every 10lbs I loose he's give me a $25 gift card to Victoria's Secret or Fredrick's of Hollywood. (That also might help with the baby making ;) !! ) So I started the deal at 185lbs, now 2 days after Christmas I'm 181lbs first gift card is at 175lbs. At 145 I get $50, and 115 I get $150. It is great motivation since I have always wanted to be able to buy sexy clothing. I am determined to get to 115-125. I started sewing and it is great for keeping my mind off new baby woes even thought I keep finding patterns for the baby to be. I have a few for Andrew and myself that I am working on and hopefully with loosing weight and keeping busy in a zen like sewing mind set, soon I will be posting to say what I need to be doing for that little bundle.

My baby is no longer a baby but a little boy.

So last night we went up to see grandma in the hospital. Andrew is so intent on being a big boy and doing things by himself. (Wonder where he gets that :) ??) He loves going to visit his Mamaw and Papa, and Papa loves it because they go on a walk about while we are up there. Papa takes Andrew down by the nurses station and then walk back, and all the nurses comment on how sweet Papa's grandson is. Normally when we leave we let Andrew walk to the elevator and then pick him up and carry him to the car. BUT last night he held my all the way to the car in the parking garage. I loved it!!! So far he will only walk with you a bit then pulls to go his own way, but he fallowed along and didn't fight he was so happy walking and being a big boy. When we got home he ate his dinner and then we started to get ready for bed. He says "lets brush teeth" and ran in to the bathroom. So we brushed our teeth, I can't believe how much he is growing and learning everyday. It is amazing.

I hate all this back in forth stuff...

I hate all this back in forth stuff... Kevin says he is just waiting to hear about the new job and once he knows his wages we can start trying again. There are so many ups and downs when trying to have a baby. I had none of the last time since Andrew was a surprise, but what can you do? Nothing just go with the flow. The boss needs 3 more people to sign off and then they will make Kevin and offer. I hope it is before Christmas break because I'm sick of waiting. I just want to know so we can move on this stop and start is crazy.

I am so confused

Kevin was talking about having a baby. He hasn't done that in forever. The lady's at xerox keep asking him when we are going to have another baby, and love the name we have picked out for a boy and a girl. He kept talking to Toby about it tonight. Toby was shocked that we were trying for a second baby. Anna and I have talked about it for months now and I was sure that she would have told Toby by now. Toby actually thought I might already be pregnant since Kevin and I were talking. ( After I have had 4 drinks!!! Come on, NO way in Hell I'd be drinking if I was knocked up) Andrew hung out with Grandma and Papa tonight and had a great time. I just couldn't get over how much Kevin talked about a baby tonight. He normally keeps a zipped lip when I bring up the baby subject. Maybe we'll be trying before the fall after all.